I don’t remember last week. Or the week before that. I don’t remember being 31 or 32. Last night was like most nights. I watched TV. I read some. I ate cheese tortellini for dinner. The kiddo didn’t want to work on her homework and got frustrated that she couldn’t play her video games.
This is my life. I eat a lot of cheese tortellini. Some other nights I eat spaghetti. There is a lot of sameness. I have my ears pierced but I rarely remember to put earrings in.
Today I remembered to wear a necklace. I was hoping it would be the start of something new and special. Alison remembering to think about her appearance! Alison will start exercising! Alison will eat more greens! Alison will finish her novel!
The days are going by and in just over a year I will be forty and I know it is going to be hard because I’m going to think MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE!? Or rather, MY GOD WHAT HAVEN’T I DONE? The answer is, a lot.
AT the same time, I hate hate hate to be thinking like this because, for really reals, life is good. I have all my limbs! My kid is a good kid. My husband cooks most of my meals and gets up and shovels the walk on snow days. Plus he’s cute. I have a good job. I like my job. I make a difference in people’s lives! I love my house and my animals and my family and there really isn’t anything preventing me from getting exercise and eating better and finishing my novel except my own laziness.
And isn’t it ok not to be great? I think it is. We have to be OK with not being nobel prize winners and famous authors and wealthy and breathtakingly beautiful. I think we do. I tell myself I do. I do most of the time.
I wear a necklace and I guess it is a small thing to help the day be different and more special. Because they go so fast and I don’t remember all the little things. I don’t want it to be that way. Even if I don’t figure it all out and get it all together and have greatness. I want it to matter anyway.