We shouldn’t leave the house and get in the car and go places far enough away where it is required to stay the night. Unless it is to a family member’s house. We shouldn’t vacation. What happens when we vacation is this:
The daughter doesn’t want to do anything that requires leaving the hotel room. She definitely does not want to go to restaurants or museums or walk along the streets or go to shops. She will get fussy and cold and tired and there will be nothing for her to eat because she only eats like 5 things.
Things that we are planning on going to will be closed and we should have known they would be closed by looking up the information about them on the internet but even though we do look them up we will still miss that they are closed when we try to go to them.
We will not have the required amount of cash on us for cash only establishments.
We will always drive the wrong way.
We will oversleep and miss the hotel’s free breakfast.
We will not be able to decide where we should eat because we all like different things.
One of us will get very unhappy that nobody wants to have a whimsical time where we drink tea and eat cake and wander cobblestone streets.
One of us will get unhappy that the other two are not more interested in restaurants that serve food we’ve never tried before.
It will be cold. And raining. It will definitely rain hard when we are driving around not knowing where we are going.
We will spend too much money and for what?
Someone will lose the Harry Potter wand we spent too much money on. That someone will blame someone else.
Someone will get caffeine withdrawal headaches because someone is not getting her coffee in a timely manner.
The daughter will say we never go anywhere interesting.
The canoe company will say the daughter is too young.
The manatees will have already left the lake for the season.
Some of us hate flying.
Some of us hate driving.
We will miss the pets and worry about the pets.
We will come home with way more craft beer than we need.
We will hate ourselves for being so bad at vacations.